We often act like everything is okay. It’s so much easier to say “I’m good” “everything is ok.” Of course we don’t go around talking about our problems to everyone, but keeping them in and acting like everything is ok does indeed stay within us. Bottles up, builds resentment, anger, or hurt.
We often just “ignore it” until it “goes away.” But sometimes it doesn’t, huh? Most every time… it doesn’t. It only continues to build up inside of us. I continue to speak for myself as I write this, but my brother and sisters, we must to fight for this.
We must name the hurt. Name these emotions. Name our aches. And not be afraid to talk about them.
We do not become holy in isolation.
My spiritual director shared this acronym with me:
- HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
- If you are hungry, eat something.
- If you are angry, name the feeling, it’s ok to feel angry sometimes.
- If you are lonely, call a friend.
- Ask them if they would like to grab a cup of coffee?
- You may want to text a friend asking, “what do you do when you are feeling really lonely? Try and see what conversation sparks up from this. Allow yourself the spaceto be vulnerable, and give others permission to be too.
- If you are tired, rest.
We must be aware of our own needs, our own aches. Whether they be within these examples above, or not. I will use myself as an example today. I often ignore my own need to be heard.
I work as a speech therapist. And I will tell you that one of the deepest desires of my heart is to make sure that my patients and the people I encounter each day feel and know that they are heard, and loved, and listened to.
As I shared this, my spiritual director asked me, if I made space for myself to be heard, loved, and listened to in my own life…outside of work.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
I began to think of how I don’t make space for this in my life.
I often feel bad for talking to much. Feel bad that maybe I am wasting someone’s time. Or I feel bad that a person doesn’t want to hear what I want to say so I rush through it, or spare the details.
As I type this, it sounds silly to say these things. But I share with you my heart, because this is the reality of my own struggle & fear of being misunderstood. I often feel that the more I share, the more I am wasting someone’s time. Or I often spare the details because I am scared to risk being misunderstood. I am afraid to risk my heart being out on the line and be judged or not communicate myself correctly…
The devil works in there. He wants you to think “no one will understand” “why are you talking about this, no one cares”
And for some reason he makes me feel ashamed to admit and openly name my deep desire to be heard. To be listened to. To be loved, and treated with dignity and worth. To know that my words truly, & actually do mean something.
For a long time I have thought that somehow I can do it alone. That if I just keep that desire within my heart, and just listen to others… maybe they will listen to me.
But I’m slowly realizing that I must give myself that s p a c e to be heard. That space to be listened to and heard, because you and I are both worth being heard. And the desires of our heart are important!!! Let’s stop ignoring them, friends. Please?
The reality is too, that sometimes your thoughts or words will be misunderstood, or will be disregarded, or ignored. But it’s a journey to share these things with the right people. And thats a whole other ball game in itself, to find the right people. But this wont happen over night and I am right there with ya through this journey.
If you too, have this deep desire to be heard, allow space for people to listen to you. Really think about and go to those people in your life that truly care for you and have listened to you before and start from there.
Try your best to move away from those who disregard your feelings or don’t validate them. Maybe you have a friend who changes the subject each time you become vulnerable or want to share anything about yourself at all. Maybe you have that one friend who talks about themselves whenever you bring up your own sufferings and you feel like you can’t tell anyone.
We are all human, and that means that we are imperfect, and these moments are bound to happen. We have to embrace that there is this same humanity in ourselves. And there is the risk in sharing your heart with someone.
Being vulnerable is a risk. Making yourself and your wounds seen is scary.
What will they think of me?
They wont see me the same.
I cant share that, I will be judged…
“Nobody will understand. “
Again, these are the lies the devil tells us. He wants for you to feel alone. He doesn’t want you to know that Jesus is always right there by your side. And that, that Jesus lives inside the listening ear of a caring and compassionate friend. Or a hug from a loving friend.
Maybe you can’t think of anybody to talk to in these moments of loneliness, but I encourage you to think back to even people you may have known in high school. Or those people you have met recently, but have not gotten the chance to talk to them too much. Pay attention to those that you are not initially attracted to speaking with at events you attend. Trust, me there is someone out there who wants to hear you. The world is filled with people who have these same deep desires too. I know it in my heart. And as I pray to find the space to be heard, I pray that you too, will find yours.
Remember you cannot give to others something that you don’t have.
If you don’t have a space for yourself that allows you to be heard, and to be loved –you will not be able to hear others, or to love others the way your heart so deeply desires.
I am learning this, too.
I think often times; we think its selfish to want to be heard.
It is not. God places the desires in our heart for a reason, and we were created to be loved and for relationship. For, relationships are the guiding force to heaven.
We do not become holy in isolation.
And trust me, there are kind souls out there who want to hear what you have to say. And do care. Pray that God opens your eyes to those around you, and the opportunity to share.
You deserve to be heard. Know you are worthy of this love you desire.
I challenge you this week to find a space to be heard, whether it be to have a cup of coffee with a friend, lunch, or maybe calling someone. Or blankly saying “I need to talk to someone” “I’m feeling really lonely”
It is not selfish. It is brave, It is risky to admit that we desire this so deeply.
And, You are brave.
Empathy is the anecdote to shame and loneliness.
Let us not forget that we belong to each other.
Know of my love and prayers for you all!!!
You are so loved!