my journey to self acceptance // dealing with past failures

decided to do a blog post to go along with the vlog i posted today!

so, i’ve been reaching out to y’all on instagram, asking what topics you guys want to see talked about.  I read through your responses today, included “how to stay close to God during college” “your dating fast and how to be comfortable being single” “dating as a catholic woman” SO many GOOD ones.  I am excited for what is to come, and thank you guys for your responses! I will be following up with all those soooOOoon!

Today though, i read “talk about how you deal with past failures”

BOOM. it stood out to me.  I said, I NEED to talk about this today.  I’ve been on a journey of self love and self acceptance – learning more about me and what it means to fail.  what it means to be human.  to mess up.  to feel shame.  and i really wanted to share with you what was on my heart about this – because truth is we all fail.  whether we want to or not, it’s truly inevitable to avoid failure in our lives BC WE ARE HUMAN.

I often forget to acknowledge my humanity, especially during hard times.

In my current journey to self acceptance, I want to share with you some of my tips on how I have or do deal with failure, and important things to keep in mind.

#1 : To accept our failures is to accept we are HUMAN. 

It’s okay to feel.  It’s okay that you feel at this time things are tough and that you feel you don’t even know how you will get through this.  The shame and the anxiousness of uncertainty is SO TOUGH.  Been there.  And I go there, sometimes too often.  But the more we can speak to that shame, the more we can call it out.  And it lessens.  Shame hates when you put a name to it and when you talk about it.  Because shame likes to stay hidden.  SHAME LOVES SECRECY! Shame needs three things to control our lives, and that is secrecy, silence, and judgement.  So first, and foremost – remember that failure means we are HUMAN and it is OK to talk about it.

It’s ok to mess up, it’s ok to make mistakes.

“knowledge is important, but only if we are being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are.” – brené brown

#2 – Striving for perfection is unrealistic 

In dealing with failure, we must understand that the strive for perfection is unrealistic and quite honestly, super exhausting.

“It is an unraveling time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of what you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are” – the darling brené brown again.

(i am going to quote her a lot in this one)!

Try to worry more about how you FEEL and less about “what people might think.” Sometimes we need to set new boundaries and begin to let go of our need to please, perform, and perfect in order to deal with failure/imperfection.

#3 Letting Go of CONTROL.

Idk if anyone ever told you, because no one ever told me until recently buutttt:

You have permission to be human.

You have the right to mess up.  You have the right to imperfection.  You have the right to failure, and that we cannot always control.  And we must learn to accept that.

I think failure can often lead us to question our worthiness, but we cannot change or control what has happened in the past.  And so i say, create your future FROM your future, NOT your past.  

It is important to learn from your failures/mistakes and move forward.  It is easier said than done of course, because there is shame or guilt in failure – but in dealing with it and moving forward try to ask yourself what have i learned? and how can i move forward? Take time for self reflection, it is so important.

#4 Be aware of YOUR choices and what you can control

BOUNDARIES! (would love to write a whole post on this SOOON.)

Setting boundaries is so important on the road to self acceptance and accepting/dealing with our failures.

Don’t feel bad for your decisions or mistakes.  They do not define you. they have already been made, and truth is we cannot do anything to change them.

Now, if you have made a decision that has disappointed people and you feel like you have failed, but have made the right decision – stand firm.  This will be hard, not easy AT ALL.  But you above anyone else know your heart and your needs.  I think that asking for what you need is one of the bravest things that you will ever do.  And just like brene says:

“I think that owning our stories and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do” – brené brown

lots of bravery.  We got this 😉

#5 SHARE, REACH OUT

This one is most important.  I think that sharing and reaching out…sharing our stories is the most important part in accepting and dealing with failure.  Again, shame loves secrecy and the more you keep in the shame you are feeling about a failure/mistake the more it wants to eat your amazing little self all up.  Realizing this is huge, and reaching out is even HUGER (yes I make up words.  especially when I think it fits).  Lol.  This takes courage.  And courage actually means “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”  (BEAUTIFUL!)

saying things like: “I’m completely lost right now, I have no idea what I am doing.”

Being vulnerable about our failures can actually surprise us with a response on the other end from a trustworthy friend: “here is my story.  you are not alone.”

Reaching out to the right people, my community, my best friends – so often reminds me that I am not alone.  And most times they are able to show me the love, compassion, and kindness that I was forgetting to show myself.

*do remember, to share your vulnerabilities with the right people* – (this could make for another blog post in the future, too!)

I hope these short little tips help.  I encourage you to watch my new vlog – linked below! I would love your feedback.  Thank you for reading this!

I also truly recommend “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.  It’s a MUST read.

Lastly, I will leave you with this.  Is that nothing is this life is promised.  We are all bound to failure.  And that fact means we are human, which then tells me we are all connected.  So may your failures bring you growth, and self-acceptance.  but most importantly love.  the one you’ve owed yourself all along.

Quotes from “The Gifts of Imperfection”:

Until we can receive (our failures, vulnerabilities, and humanity) with an open heart, we are never really GIVING with an open heart.”

“We can only love others as much as we love ourselves”

“Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance”

– Brené Brown

check out my new vlog:

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